Making the Uncomfortable Common

Long, late night, “front porch” conversations have been a cherished experience in my life. I learned storytelling from family members grasping for details and the thanksgiving turkey, I learned humility and mentoring through long car rides with coaches and role models, and I learned about myself by leaning back and listening to friends and strangers around the glow of a campfire.  I like asking and tackling messy questions. In the right environment, with the right people, conversations flow from religion, sex, racial discrimination, to education, leadership, morality, sexuality and beyond.

As I wind up my tenure as the Prindle Graduate Fellow, several of these topics swirl in my head as possibilities for blog posts. I would like to use the next few entries to reflect, ruminate, and even rant over the collage of ideas I've gained from the year.

Bear with me, please.

At the very end of winter term, I was invited over to a DePauw student’s house for a game night. Of course, when you put a handful of young women together who love philosophizing over life and mix in a glass or two of wine, it’s hard to get past a few rounds of Catchphrase. 

Instead, we discussed one of the (unfortunately) most uncomfortable and hush-hush topics in our society: sexuality. I thought this was restricted to one-on-one conversations only! With initial unease and eventual humor, we discussed the fluidity of sexuality, and why so many of us were raised to see sexuality as a moral dilemma. As if heterosexuality was right and homosexuality wrong. To quote one of my best friends, “How can consensual love ever be wrong?” I believe it is the hate and civil and human injustices stemming from ignorance that is morally repugnant.

Why do we find sexuality so difficult to talk about? The majority of the problem could be finding a safe space to discuss these issues. I define a safe space as a judgment free zone; an area of compassion and empathy where individuals can speak freely without fear of criticism or interruption by others. How rare these can be. It is just as rare to find friends who fill this space.

It’s also uncomfortable to discuss topics like sexuality because our society sees difference of any kind as painfully awkward instead of exciting or intriguing. In order to change a worldview like this, we need to ask for more than institutional equality. Legalizing gay marriage only puts a Band-Aid on an open wound. The problem may seem fixed, but subversive discrimination still hinders children from being themselves or distracts any individual in the LGTBQ community from focusing on work because of the side comments or glares made by their confused and ignorant coworkers. I’m not an expert in this field whatsoever, but it’s a topic I give voice to because of how strongly I feel about it.

Sexuality and other taboo subjects are always difficult to talk about until someone speaks up. I have incredible respect for the people I know who have come out to me, or expressed their insecurities about their sexuality, religious background, lifestyle choices, etc. That is difficult to do.

I feel the need to bring up sexuality and difference in my capacity as the Graduate Fellow because they are timely matters of justice and ethics. The Prindle Institute, its staff, and interns should create safe spaces to make these conversations possible, and speak up when others are too afraid. I hope others feel the openness of this physical area and these people, and foster similar environments in their daily lives.